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Conflict skills

How to Say Yes to Saying No

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

Have you ever made cookies at midnight for a classroom party because someone called you with desperation in their voice? Or ended up as the chair of a committee that you really aren’t interested in, but everyone said you would do a good job? Or how about helping with a charity yard sale on your sunny day off?  I could go on, but you “yes” sayers – well, you know who you are. So, admit it. You are over committed. You have said yes when you should have said no and now you are spending time on things you wonder

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Conflict Communication: Should I have this conversation?

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

Author’s note: The following is an encore blog – originally written Sept. 2010.  Since then, we’ve fallen in love with Kauai and return every other year… The first time my husband and I went on vacation to Kauai, we stayed in a studio apartment attached to a private home. We decided not to stay in a resort hotel so we could have some real peace and quiet. The first morning we were there, we were woken up by a rooster crowing loudly in the yard at oh, about 4:00 a.m. Okay, we were on vacation, and vacation to me means

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6 Steps to Help you Handle Conflict

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

Conflict is unavoidable. It’s all around us. It happens every day. And, if you are like most of us, you try hard to avoid it. Most of us aren’t comfortable dealing with conflict when it happens. We remain silent and hope it will go away – letting a small thing eventually turn into a bigger one. Others like to jump to anger right away. Recently I backed out of a parking lot and “almost” scrapped a really nice convertible.  In my defense, he was parked crooked. As I started to pull away a man came running towards me yelling at

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How to Stop Arguing and Start Communicating

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

Have you ever had a conversation like this one? “You bought the wrong kind.” “I did not.” (louder) “You did too. You never listen to me.” (even louder)”Yes I do.” “No you don’t……”   A conversation like this one can easily escalate into an argument that can leave you feeling like you are stuck in mud – going nowhere fast.  Rather than working to communicate clearly the conversation resorted to being, well, lazy.  You are left  feeling  both frustrated and angry, The result of lazy communication is usually misunderstandings, disagreement, and arguing.  It  certainly doesn’t serve as an effective way

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Do You Have a Pile That Needs Shoveling?

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

COMMUNICATION TIP #5: Shovel while your piles are small   When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~ Viktor Frankl   Don’t wait for a crisis to communicate.  A small issue can turn into a really big one if you don’t deal with it sooner rather than later. The longer damaging or uncomfortable things are left unspoken, the longer they remain damaging and uncomfortable and the bigger the pile gets, until one day – Kaboom! You have a really big issue or problem to deal with. Rather than avoiding issues that come up

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Are your communication skills in a stuck state?

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

The following post is adapted from 52 Communication Tips: Weekly lessons for improving your relationships at work and home TIP #4:  Avoid the stuck state cycle. If you do what you’ve always done, you will get what you’ve always gotten.   ~ Tony Robbins, Author When things are not going the way you want, do you keep repeating the same response or behavior but hope for, or expect, something different to happen? When that happens, it won’t take long before you’ll find yourself in a stuck state – repeating the same cycle over and over, and getting the same result. To get out

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6 tips for mastering the art of saying no

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

I recently spent some time watching a two year old.  I remember that age – independent, dependent, stubborn, submissive- and sometimes all within a 5 minute time frame. I spent 3 hours entertaining this sweet, energetic child. We played in the princess tent, took the dogs for a hike, made chocolate chip cookies, read books and watched cartoons. When her mom came to pick her up – here’s what happened: Mom: “Ava, did you have a good time?” Ava: “No!” Ava made me think about how easy it is for children to say what they want to say, when they want to say

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8 Ways to Give Better Feedback

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

Giving regular, constructive, feedback can have a huge impact on improving relationships. That’s a fact. So why is it so hard for us to do it well? Giving feedback should be pretty simple. We just tell people what we think, when we think it. Right? Well, not really.  Giving feedback is an excellent way to communicate, but if it’s not done well, it can get in the way, and hinder rather than help your communication with someone. Why get good at giving feedback? When you use constructive feedback effectively, you can clarify misunderstandings, and help identify and resolve  issues while

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But I Just Don’t Like You | Communicating with Difficult People

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

Do you have a difficult person in your life at work or at home?  If so, you are not alone – they can be anywhere. You may have one in your neighborhood, your family, at work, as a customer, or maybe even your own household (if you have a teenager, you know what I mean). I’m talking about someone that, at the moment anyway, you just don’t like. Something about them pushes your buttons. Maybe it’s the way they refuse to look you in the eye. Maybe they are acting a lot like your stupid demanding and nasty principal from

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Hey! Mind your communication piles

Cornerstone Coaching and Training

When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. ~ Viktor Frankl   Here’s one of my all time favorite tips: don’t wait for a crisis to communicate.  A small issue can turn into a really big one if you don’t deal with it right away. Most of us are conflict adverse – we hate it. We put it off.  We pretend it isn’t there – or isn’t that bad.  But, the truth is that the longer damaging or uncomfortable things are left unspoken, the longer they remain damaging and uncomfortable and the bigger the

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